Thoughts and Theories

a good ending

 

Perusing the aisles of Walmart (emabrrassingly enough) is a favorite past time for my husband and I.  One leisurely weekend evening there we were in the DVD and electronic section scouring a bin of $5.00 movies.  My husband picked up the Shawshank Redemption and we both agreed that this was a good find.  It's one of our favorite movies.

Since purchasing it, I think I've already watched it 3 times.  I just love the ending - such triumph, such awesome redemption.  A very befitting title.  After pondering this movie I realized the reason for the movie's success is because of it's ending.  The ending is what makes the movie "redemptive" and the audience, sure enough, is left with a sense of joy and vindication for the main character.  It's only the last 20 minutes of the movie or so that is so wonderful - the first hour and a half is actually quite horrifying.  It's filled with alot of pain and injustice.  Then while pondering this thought, I was interupted by the Holy Spirit who clearly spoke and said, "You know, your testimony will only be as good as your ending - finish well, Anna"

Lately, I've been feeling tempted to take matters into my own hands.  I've been feeling like I've about had enough and that it's time to write my own ending.  But low and behold, that still, small voice tells me that I need to keep on keeping on- in faith, in trust, in love.  He's telling me He knows best, He's in control, and that there will be a glorious and divine ending to my journey - if I let him write my ending for me.

Lord, help me to trust you everyday, every moment, every second of this trial. Help me to persevere in hope. You are the author of my life and I submit to you once again. 

The end.

 

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."  - Andy, The Shawshank Redemption

 

My refuge

It's been so long since i've written anything.  I'm sorry blog that i've neglected you.  So, so many things have been happening.  I can't write it all down.  Supernatural things, really, really hard things, heart-breaking things, but overall good things.   

Good because He's continuing to test me, comfort me, lift me, reassure me.  He's here.  He's been here with every step I've taken.  He's promises to be faithful to those who show themselves faithful.  I can't see the horizon, but I know that he will bring light one day into my darkness.  Until then, He will continue to be my refuge, My God in whom I trust.  Those who hope in Him will never be disappointed.  I'm still here, hanging on.  Praise God for that.

Psalm 18

 ¹ I love you, O LORD, my strength.

 ² The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;
       my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
       He is my shield and the horn ^[a] of my salvation, my stronghold.

 ³ I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise,
       and I am saved from my enemies.

 ²⁵ To the faithful you show yourself faithful,
       to the blameless you show yourself blameless,

 ²⁶ to the pure you show yourself pure,
       but to the crooked you show yourself shrewd.

 ²⁷ You save the humble
       but bring low those whose eyes are haughty.

 ²⁸ You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning;
       my God turns my darkness into light.

21 day fast

I've just finished a 21 day fast.  A blessed time.  I went into it with the hounds of despair and discouragement clipping at my heals and I came out with renewed hope, strength and confidence.

He is my rock and He has been telling me that He MUST be the centre.  He will not settle for anything less.  He told me that He is good and that He has good and awesome plans for me and I need to trust Him. 

I love Him more, I'm depending on Him more.  Everything else just seems to pale in comparison to knowing Him.  He's ignited my passion and illuminated my own depravity.  He is worthy of my praise. 

I'm singing again

I'm at peace again

I feel joy again

I can trust Him.  He has everything under control and He has not forgotten me.

 

Psalm 36:

 ⁵ Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens,
       your faithfulness to the skies.

 ⁶ Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains,
       your justice like the great deep.

 

death and miracles

Are you experiencing the "death" of something?  Maybe a dream, a hope, a situation perhaps that you thought would go a certain way but ended up the opposite of what you expected?  are you going through the loss of something? 

Well, then i have good news for you, my friend.  That means it's the end of you and the beginning of God being able to work a miracle in your life. Every person who came to Christ with a disease, ailment or struggle experienced death of some kind - death of their future hopes and dreams.  Christ only then was able to step right in and revive and restore that hopeless situation.  You see, death and miracles are two sides of the same coin.  You can't have one without the other.  You see, He is the light!  You can't have light without darkness.

Wait for Him.  Wait for Him to step into your darkness and bring glorious, wonderful, healing, restoring light.  My friend, wait for your miracle.  He is mighty to save.

Pslam 27

 ¹³ I am still confident of this:
       I will see the goodness of the LORD
       in the land of the living.

 ¹⁴ Wait for the LORD;
       be strong and take heart
       and wait for the LORD.

the olympics

Olympics1

I've been watching the olympics everyday.  I feel so caught up in the emotion of it all - the extreme joy when a medal is won and the extreme disappointment when someone crashes.  It's been so exciting! 

Funny thing, as I'm watchiing I feel a kinship to these athletes because although I'm not physically running these moguls, or skating the performance of my life - I am in a spiritual race.  One of the biggest fears that I'm carrying with me is that all this training, all this perseverence, all the blood, sweat and tears (oh, the tears) will all be for naught.  But the God of my childhood, He who has brought me so far through this journey; the One that is constantly coaching me and encouraging me to soldier on is whispering in my ear that He is a rewarder.  He will reward this extreme test of my perseverence, faith, and hope.  Christ has already led the way and He is telling me that victory is already mine.  

One day it will be me standing on that podium but it will be His grace and His mercy that would have brought me there.

Jeremiah 31

⁴ But I said, "I have labored to no purpose;
       I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing.
       Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand,
       and my reward is with my God."

my eighth grade God

 

eighth grade graduation

I remember when I was 13, graduating from eighth grade, I prayed and prayed to my Lord and Saviour that I would get at least 3 medals of achievement during my graduation ceremony.  I prayed this because I wanted to make my parents so proud.  I prayed this everyday for about a month before that day. 

On that fateful day, to my pleasant surprise, that's exactly what happened - I was awarded 3 medals and sure enough my parents were beaming with pride!  I learned that day that God answers prayer.

Flash forward 23 years later and here I am - I'm praying and praying that He will answer my heart's cry.  He's reminding me of this day 23 years ago that He's still the same God who loves me and hears all my prayers.  He's still my God of the eighth grade. 

 

Hebrews 13:

⁸Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

I had a dream

 

Blue Dock

I had a dream over 20 years ago.  I think i was 12.  I don't remember exactly how old I was.  As I find myself in the thick of this battle, my God keeps on reminding me of it.  If feels just as real today as it did the night I had it.  Through some of my darkest times, I've carried this dream with me.

It was nighttime in my dream and I was standing on a beach.  I saw, reaching far into the ocean, was an old dock.  It looked like it was a few miles long.  Nevertheless, my eyes were able to perceive a figure standing right at the end of the dock dressed in white. This figure shone so brightly admidst the darkness.  I knew in my mind that this was Christ.  I saw Him beckoning me to walk towards him.  I did.  As I started on my journey toward my Lord the dock was holding me up just fine.  The beginning of my journey felt easy. 

As I reached the middle of the dock, a storm came and very quickly the winds started blowing and the waves tossed and lapped onto me.  In the dream I could feel the sting of the rain whipping into my face.  I found myself no longer walking but crawling on the dock, clinging onto the wooden boards tightly.  I was afraid.  Despite the chaos around me I could still see Him standing at the end of the dock, calling out to me, waving his arms in a motion that was beckoning me to continue.  But the harder I tried, the more the wind and rain just blew.  Then all of a sudden, I felt my Lord's arm reach and grab mine and before I knew what was happening we were soaring and flying above the storm.  He was beside me and were were flying!  I remember Him looking at me as were suspended in mid-air and He smiled and laughed.  I remember feeling such joy and peace! 

I awoke and ran to my mother's bedroom and told her all about it.  She confirmed that this dream was most definitely from the Lord.

Lord, I'm hurting so badly right now and I feel like I won't make it.   But I know without a doubt, you're here with me and you're cheering me on.  And then just at the right time, you're going to save me and we will be flying together.  Until then, I'm going to keep on pressing forward depite this storm.  I'm banking on your love and faithfulness.

 

fellow travellers

Fellow travellers

A miracle happened the other day!  I met 3 other women who are on the same journey as I am.  God plucked each one of us travelling in our solitude journeys and brought us together!  We cried, we prayed, we rejoiced!  I'm not alone!  My heart is full of gladness.

Your promise never fails me

For you are good

For you are good

For you are good

to me

Deliverance

These days all I see around me is a fuzzy cloud of uncertainty; a foggy future.  My hope seems to be waning these days and my faith doesn't have that spark that it once did in the beginning of this journey.  I'm losing alot of my certainty and I'm tripping alot in this dark tunnel, crawling and groping in the dark.  It seems like the heat's also been turned up in here and it's getting really hot.  The enemy has taken a few shots and I've been hit. 

I've been crying out to my faithful Father to come and save me and help me.  I know He will.  Just at the right time, He's going to reach into my darkness and pull me out.  He will deliver me.  Just you wait and see. 

1 Samuel 2:

 ¹ Then Hannah prayed and said:
       "My heart rejoices in the LORD;
       in the LORD my horn ^[a] is lifted high.
       My mouth boasts over my enemies,
       for I delight in your deliverance.

 ² "There is no one holy ^[b] like the LORD;
       there is no one besides you;
       there is no Rock like our God.

Casting my cares

The folllowing is an excerpt from Charles Spureon - Morning and Evening.  Enjoy.

 

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”

1 Peter 5:7

It is a happy way of soothing sorrow when we can feel—“HE careth for me.” Christian! do not dishonour religion by always wearing a brow of care; come, cast your burden upon your Lord. You are staggering beneath a weight which your Father would not feel. What seems to you a crushing burden, would be to him but as the small dust of the balance. Nothing is so sweet as to

“Lie passive in God’s hands, And know no will but his.”

O child of suffering, be thou patient; God has not passed thee over in his providence. He who is the feeder of sparrows, will also furnish you with what you need. Sit not down in despair; hope on, hope ever. Take up the arms of faith against a sea of trouble, and your opposition shall yet end your distresses. There is One who careth for you. His eye is fixed on you, his heart beats with pity for your woe, and his hand omnipotent shall yet bring you the needed help. The darkest cloud shall scatter itself in showers of mercy. The blackest gloom shall give place to the morning. He, if thou art one of his family, will bind up thy wounds, and heal thy broken heart. Doubt not his grace because of thy tribulation, but believe that he loveth thee as much in seasons of trouble as in times of happiness. What a serene and quiet life might you lead if you would leave providing to the God of providence! With a little oil in the cruse, and a handful of meal in the barrel, Elijah outlived the famine, and you will do the same. If God cares for you, why need you care too? Can you trust him for your soul, and not for your body? He has never refused to bear your burdens, he has never fainted under their weight. Come, then, soul! have done with fretful care, and leave all thy concerns in the hand of a gracious God.