You get what you pay for

It's one o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep.  I'm thinking about this journey that I'm in - a journey of deep sadness that I'm hoping will come to an end.  One where this emotional and psychological anguish has even at times manifested in physical pain.  I've literallyhave felt my heart ache.  I think I've cried a bathtub worth of tears.  Sometimes I've felt like the tears just wouldn't stop flowing.  They seem to have been emanating from the deepest part of my heart - a treasured place where I lock away all my dreams and hopes. 

But somehow, God has managed to wiggle his way in this little space that I've hidden and He's said, "Give me these dreams and hopes".  He's asked me to hand them over and has promised me that He will multiply them.  He says that he will give me a double portion. He says that He will turn it into a miracle and that in the end, not only will I be changed, but that he will be glorified.  He promises that He will turn my mourning into gladness. 

You see, there will be reward at the end of this journey but He says that there is a cost.  I will have to pay with a loss of all control, patience and perseverence. I will have to surrender my expectations of how and when.  I will have continually choose trust in the midst of confusion; hope in the midst of discouragment; faith in the midst of doubt; love when tempted by bitterness. 

There is a cost to experience God's miracles in your life.  The cost involves killing and rejecting your flesh and always choosing the side of the truth.  It's not easy, but there will be a joyful outcome for me.  Tonight, I choose truth.  Tonight, I choose Him.

 ^{HEBREWS: 10}

³⁵So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. ³⁶You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

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Comments

[Jubilant]

Dear Anna,Thank you for sharing ...I've been encouraged by our conversation on Wednesday; it's been helping me to process and trust in Him this week....I am praying for you!

~ He knows you and your deepest desires, and He is with you and has a perfect plan, to prosper you and give you hope and a future, for HIs glory...

Jeremiah 29:11-12

11

[Alisa Kim]

What you say about the cost of experiencing God is so profound. That cost of dying to yourself is something I maybe felt intuitively, but I've never heard it put that way.

You are gaining your life, my friend.

Love and prayers,
A.